Chapter 3: The Summer

         So summer arrives and we get our own place and sublease for 3 months. For the first month or so I couldn't find a job, and things were rough. I would break down sometimes and just cry because it was so frustrating that his parents were paying for everything. It was times like this that I felt like things were going back to normal - he would hold me while I was upset,or rub my back and tell me that "We're gonna get through this - we'll figure it out."

We? Since when are the 2 of us a "we"?

Just little things would tip me off and make it seem a little weird. We obviously shared a bed,we would cuddle and give each other a backrub after a long day..things couples do. The only thing is - how many couples can even move in together? Its a huge step for even a couple that's been dating for a year or more. We didn't give it a second thought,though - living together just seemed like the natural thing to do since we get along so well - since we know each other as though we grew up together or something - its uncanny.

Everyone at school had asked me about the situation before we moved in together- "What happens if he or you finds another person they like?" And of course I brushed it off - it couldn't possibly happen.

Not only could it - it did. He was taking a foreign language at another school here this summer,and on like one of his last days he started talking to this girl. He was supposed to meet me one day after class. He shows up 3 hours late with this girl. Needless to say, I was livid. Then he goes out that night with her until 3 AM. But the catch is that he lost the house key prior to this...so I have to stay up until 3 AM to let him in,because I'm not leaving the door unlocked at night in the neighborhood we lived in - hell no. But so that he can have a good time, he inconveniences me. (This type of situation ocurred several times.) Nice friend. He then tells me that he is going to start sleeping on the futon in the other room, becasue sleeping with me is far too intimate. But sex apparently isn't - we never stopped doing that. Wtf? Sex isn't intimate at all, but falling asleep next to me is? Oook.

Was I upset,jealous,hurt? Well yes,of course- I was a little of each. But do I want him to be happy? More than anything. So...I wished him well in it, despite the fact that not even a week into them talking I could tell it wasn't going to work. He refused to acknowledge the fact that he was changing himself for this girl to try and impress her - because if you want someone to fall for you or love you, you OBVIOUSLY have to impress them. They couldn't possibly just like you and be impressed with just who you are in general - that's absurd.

So a month and a half or so of torture later, I know something is wrong - he's upset. She refuses to date him,as she has never remained friends with a guy she has dated,and he is too good of a friend to lose. Sounds like an excuse to me, but oh well - all I'm worried about is seeing him smile again - I can't stand to see him sad or angry...it bothers ME.

I can't say I was ecstatic about the change of situation-- I mean, I want him....but I didn't want him to get hurt. Nothing bothers me more than the people I care about getting hurt. But he recovered,and seems to be over her to an extent- but I know how those things go.

August. We move  into a new house with a bunch of other poeple- 4 others, to be exact. We share a room, our money just kind of flows between us, we went in together on a queen size bed, we split the grocery bill...we act like a married couple,haha. We cuddle at night,and when he or I get up to go to work in the morning, we go over and give the other one who is staying home a hug that says we'd rather not leave. When I get home from work he'll turn around in his computer chair to lay his head on my stomach or chest while I scratch his head or rub his shoulders...And I plan on flying home with him twice this fall.

Does this sound like your average friendship? It doesn't sound like one I've ever heard of. Maybe he's afraid of commitment- of the thought of being tied down for the rest of his life starting at 21? He doesn't even know where his life is going,I understand...but its not like I'm asking him to marry me right now..I just want a title to what is obviously a relationship.

(I'll try to start updating this more on a day-to-day type basis now that I'm more caught up)